


Oh Man! Wonder if he'll Ever Know...

by orphan_account



Category: Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series)
Genre: Ghosts, Hopeful Ending, I'm Bad At Tagging, I'm Sorry, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Oh My God, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Sad, Scary, Sorry Not Sorry
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-15
Updated: 2018-07-15
Packaged: 2019-06-08 04:19:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,138
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15235164
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: For hereAm I sitting in a tin canFar above the worldPlanet Earth is blueAnd there's nothing I can do(David Bowie (Zigs) Space Oddity)In which a very unfortunate series of events leads Ryan to suicide and what, to him, seems to be insanity.





	Oh Man! Wonder if he'll Ever Know...

**Author's Note:**

> Warning, this gets VERY DARK! I STRONGLY RECCOMEND that you don't read if you are triggered or otherwise mentally harmed by dark themes including rape/non-con, suicide, self harm, and other things.  
> Please remember that suicide is never an option. If reading this or any other darkly themed work leads to you considering suicide, please call the suicide hotline at 1-800-784-2433 (US), 116-123 (UK), or http://suicidehotlines.com/international.html
> 
> Thank you for reading <3

  The rain outside made Ryan want to scream.

  Each droplet of water that splattered and exploded against the window of the dimly lit apartment made him flinch, or so it seemed. The dying light outside illuminated just barely the mess of the room. The clothes, dirty and uncared for, laid strewn about among the floor. Glass bottles filled the small trashcan and littered his bedside table. The bed was bare aside from a pathetically thin sheet and Ryan himself, who laid, daydreaming of a better life. 

  His own, of course, wasn't meant to last much longer.

  He would dream of a time that felt oh so long ago. Before Shane left to Houston. Before his failed profession of love. Before they had gone to the forgotten hospital in Utah.  _Before..._

  He had written a note, you know. It was a Friday. Nobody at work would notice until Monday. And, well, by then... Ryan's breathing g hitched at the realization of what he was preparing to do. To take his own life was something he had thought of for years... And today, he was finally able to do it. No one around him would throw away razors or keep pills out of his sight. Shane wouldn't be able to...

   _Shane._

  God, how pathetic. Ryan choked back a sob. Just thinking on him made his chest ache  _so horribly._

  He wonders, sometimes, if his life would be better if he just... Hadn't gone to the bar that night to celebrate his new job at Buzzfeed.

  Maybe...

* * *

_Ryan chuckles as his group of friends only proceeds to drag him into the next bar. "Another one?" He asks, giggling in his drunken state. This would be the third... They had gotten kicked out of the first two._

_"Well, duh, yeah," Jackson replied with a grin._

_"It was just a job, guys- Woah!" Ryan chuckles more as his friends pass over, of course, more shots. "Cheers!" He calls out as the group rejoices, chuckles and giggles and cheers filling the rather empty bar._

_Only minutes after consuming the shot, Ryan feels his grin falter slightly as nausea begins to grip his stomach. He's had a bit much, he thinks. "Yeah, guys..." He begins, shifting with a slight discomfort. "I think I'm done for the night." Boos and jeers are the warm reply. "What? I got a job now. I gotta be responsible, and shit."_

_"Here," Zachary says. "You're smashed. I'll help you back to your place." To which Ryan raises an eyebrow. "Sure thing, golden boy. What's the catch?"_

_"...can I crash at your place for the night?"_

_"Sure thing," he says with a bit of a giggle. "But you pay the Uber."_

_Sure enough, after a giggle-filled ride, Ryan and Zachary arrived at the dimly lit apartment complex, darkness seemingly piercing through the flickering streetlights. Had he been alone, Ryan would've been terrified. But Zachary made him feel better. Safer._

_As they enter the elevator, Ryan's pain takes a turturn fir the worst. He feels acid and bile threatening to rise into his throat, his stomach punishing Ryan's unwise decision to overdrink. Zachary seemed concerned, frowning at his shorter friend. "You okay, Ry?" To which, of course, Ryan nods._

_He only wishes that he knew how damn **fake** Zachary was._

_He wakes up feeling like shit. Honestly, he didn't remember even passing out. But he was thereon his bed... And it took him a moment to register what was happening._

_There was his closest friend, pushing down on Ryan until he felt like he was suffocating. He made a noise of protest, dizzy and finding it impossible to see straight. He then makes another realization. Something... Burns. It hurts._

_It hurts._

_Whatever was happening, Ryan makes an attempt to wriggle free, finding it difficult to breathe. Zachary's hot breath huffed into his ear as he was... Oh god. Starting to realize what was happening, Ryan makes another attempt to get free, protesting weakly._

_His body was heavy, flesh like lead as he attempts hopelessly to free himself, only to feel Zachary push him down harder. Ryan's attempts to breathe deeply are stifled as he passes out a second time, unable to move. Unable to free himself._

_When he wakes up again, the first thing he realizes is that he's alone._

_The second is that his naked._

_The third being his pain._

_His entire body ached with each labored breath, his chest shaking a d bare, bruises darkening his skin. But the worst pain was near his legs._

_That's how he remembers._

_Gasping and shaking, Ryan closes his eyes, mortified and embarrassed. Zachary had **raped** him. Drugged him, used him, whatever._

_His best friend... Maybe..._

_Maybe it wasn't how it seemed? Maybe Ryan was just drunk, and..._

_He shakily reaches for his pants which were strewn aside on the bed, grunting in pain as he manages to retrieve his phone, trembling as he dials Zachary's number._

_It rings..._

_And nobody answers._

_He attempts a second time- Hell, a third._

_Nothing._

_Weak-willed and in pain, Ryan only caves in and closes his eyes, managing to force himself back into blissfull unconsciousness._

_Only inviting nightmares._

* * *

  Now, Ryan laid on his bed. A different one, of course. New bed, new apartment... Hell, new life.

  He hasn't seen Zachary since that night.

  Oh, what was the point in any of it? Thinking wouldn't fix anything. But he knew what would...

* * *

   _He sometimes thinks about what he was told upon going to church the following Sunday. Personally, he wasn't religious or anything, but it felt better just to go and be surrounded by so many happy people._

_That was the first time he saw a ghost._

_The confessional area was dim. Dimmer than he thought it'd be. He was alone for that moment, sitting in the darkness as he awaited Father Alexander. In the corner of his eye, he sees a glare of gray. Turning to face the movement, Ryan frowns slightly to see a little girl, who must've been crying. "Well hey, kiddo," he says softly. "Are you okay?" He didn't even bother asking why she was there. A girl needed help, so he would help._

_The girl rubs her eyes and glances up at Ryan. He realizes, with a suddenly racing heart, that her eyes are completely void of color, displaying only white. She sniffles, but says nothing, only tilting her head slightly._

_He reaches out in an attempt to comfort her. Maybe she was blind? But as his fingertips reach her, they merely phase through as though she was only mist._

_Then, her trembling, pale form vanishes._

_He lets out a cry of alarm, jumping up and then hurrying out of that dark room, out of the church, never once looking back._

_That was what made him a "believer."_

_It's what led him to Shane._


End file.
